Thursday, October 14, 2010

Remembering Our Babies

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day.
It is customary to light a candle on this day to remember all of our lost, loved babies.

I had no idea that I would be honoring this day.
Our story is here, here
and here.

These last 2 months have been an absolute roller coaster of emotions for Mr. Free and I.
I have felt the utmost despair to hope and love.
All in the same day.
And that has turned into normal for me.

Not one day goes by that I don't think about the baby we lost.
I think about how I should be 17 weeks pregnant today.
We would've been able to know if we were having a little boy or little girl.
I should've been starting to feel little flutters in my belly.

Instead I am sad.
I want my baby back so bad.
I want to hold them.
It hurts my heart.

I feel like I am living in two different worlds at the same time.
I am going through the motions of my normal day, yet I am thinking about what could've been.
However, every day I get a little more hope for what's to come.

I know God is in control.

I know this is somehow part of His plan.
Even though I truly can't understand it at this point.
But even though losing our baby has been the hardest thing I've gone through, if it's part of God's plan for my life, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

I have experienced the loss of my dad and grandparents.
I have experienced the sorrow of a chronic disease.
This is by the far the loneliest thing I have experienced.

Many people do not know the pain of losing your unborn child.
If they have, they often don't want to talk about it.
For some reason it's taboo.

I want to change that.

Mothers who have lost their babies need to be there to support one another.
These verses have really spoken to me through out this whole process

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comfortus us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any afflication, with the comfort with which we oursevles are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too."

2 Corinthians 1:3-5

I pray that God uses me as a tool to minister to other hurting mothers out there.

Please say a little prayer for all the hurting mothers out there. Pray that God will comfort them and give them an incredible peace. Pray that God will bless them with healthy children in His time. Pray for our contenment as we wait on His perfect timing.

As a rememberance, Mr. Free and I still have the video of us the day we found out we were pregnant. We were so excited and thrilled for our new bundle set to arrive March 25, 2011.

We also have the video Mr. Free took at our first ultrasound.
We got to see our then healthy, heart-beating little baby.
We were so incredibly happy.

We also have every congratulations card.

We now also have every sympathy card we have been given as well.

We don't want to forget this baby.

This was our first child.

Baby Free,

Mommy and Daddy miss you every single day.
We love you so much.
We will see you again in a little while.

Love, Mommy and Daddy


  1. Jenny your spirit and heart through such a difficult time has been an incredible inspiration. The Lord does have a purpose in all of this, some of which I can already see him working through you right now as you "praise him in the storm." I pray peace and healing for you and Brian and am so excited for the day when you will finally be reunited with your precious baby...

  2. Just remember that God has a purpose for you and your little one! My mom and I are walking reminders of His grace. Before I was born, my mom had 4 miscarriages;, once with twins. It was hard on her...harder than those who have never experienced it can understand. But then I was born. Two months early, I was kept in the hospital for a few months before I could come home. Despite all the trouble she had throughout the pregnancy, we were and are both healthy. About a month ago, my mom went to the doctor and got some surprising news. Her doctor told her that if they had had the advanced technology back in the 80s that they have now, he would have told her to never try to have children. She has a deviated uterus as well as other issues. I know that's a long story, but I want you to know that God has a purpose for everything, every one, and every cell of our beings. I pray for comfort and healing for you and your husband. I do not know the sorrow you are going through, but I know that my God has great plans for all of us! Trust Him!


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