My life seems out of control.
Allow me to share.
About 6 months ago I prayed this prayer:
Lord, please don't let my life go according to my plan. I desire at the end of my life to look back and see how the journey was not how I would have chosen, but it was glorious. I truly saw God work through all the twists and turns.
Boy has that prayer come true.
I am a planner.
A huge planner.
And thus far, aside from a couple things, my life has gone exactly how I'd planned it.
But that worried me.
I didn't want to be an old lady and think Yes, Life went just how I'd planned. How would God be glorified through that? How many blessings would I have missed that way?
These past 6 months have sure taken my plans and through them through out the window.
Get pregnant last July, have baby in March.
Have Mr. Free finish school, sub for a while and maybe get a job.
Other than that? Same ol' same ol'.
What has happened?
Well, indeed I did get pregant last July but that baby was only meant to be with us for a brief moment. No nursery to get ready by March after all.
We now have an 18 year old boy living with us. We are helping him get on his feet and have the skills necessary for independence.
Mr. Free is finishing school in December and already has a lead on a job.
I can truly say that life is not going as planned.
I know I am just in the midst of one of the twists in the road, but I am completely overwhelmed.
I am grieving the loss of our child.
I am blessed by the opportunity to help a fellow brother in Christ.
I am grateful for the career opportunity for Mr. Free.
I know everything that happens is for my good and His glory.
It's just really hard for a planner to completely let go.
And that's what I've done.
Every day has been incredibly hard.
I just have to let go and give it all to Him.
He loves me so much and has such a great plan for me, why wouldn't I give it all to Him?
He knows my heart is aching yet rejoicing at the same time.
And that is hard.
He knows that and is working it all for good.
My heart aches to be a mom.
I want it so bad.
But I have to let that go and understand that God may not have that planned for me.
And I have to be OK with that.
Sorry for the rambling... it's just been a really hard week yet I am hopeful and at peace resting my life in His hands.
I pray everyone has an incredibly blessed weekend.
Hug those you love a little tigher. : )
Back to your regularly scheduled, more light-hearted postings....