Tuesday, March 15, 2011

I'm here.

Sorry for the unexpected break.
Life has been hard lately.

A little over a week ago, we got a positive pregnancy test.
But, our first few betas weren't doubling like they should.
I've spent the last week researching every glimmer of hope I could in the situation.

Today I started to miscarry.

Our 3rd miscarriage in 6 months.

We are obviously heartbroken and confused.
Today I have just been in a fog thinking through our various options.
Are we ever going to be biological parents?

We have an appointment scheduled in 2 weeks with a reproductive endocrinologist.
We are going to have to go through intensive testing to see why we keep losing our babies.
I pray we get some answers.
And I pray they are an easy fix.
Like most insurances, ours doesn't cover any infertility treatments.
And we really do not have the funds to pursue them.
Or adoption.
I feel like parenthood is out of our reach.


I keep telling myself that I am right where God wants me.
It's hard.
Very hard.
But He is here with me and I am here for a reason.
As much as I want to be a mother right now, if thats not His plan, then I don't want to be anywhere else.
I know God will use us.
I know He *is* using us.

We could really use your prayers.
This is a very dark time for us right now.
And 'success' stories are appreciated as well.


  1. Jenny

    So saddened to hear of your loss! I have been blessed with beautiful babies, but I do have a story. When Libby was born, I did have a dark hour. She was admitted to the NICU on the day we were going to go home. I thought I would not be taking her home because she coded several times during her week stay. I am not sure why God did what He did, but it was a miracle that I think about alot. Each time I discipline her, see her giggle, and so on.

    I have not experienced what you are going through, but I have watched my sister go through this with not being able to conceive by any means. Today, by the Grace of God she has two beautiful babies through the birth of adoption. She often tells me that she is not sure how they afforded it, but God provided.

    So, I am telling you that the Lord will provide for your every need. I am praying for you during your darkest time. The Lord has given three babies angel wings and they will welcome their mommy one day. I will hold you in my prayers and that the Lord will provide a miraculous gift!

    Angela Danley

  2. Jenny - so sorry to hear that :( I know it sucks, and makes you feel so helpless. Hopefully the Dr will have some good answers for you.

    MSN has a good pregnancy board under their Lifestyle page that I have been on for awhile. There are several ladies there that have been struggling with this for years, and several great success stories. There's also a Christian resource - http://parentingafterinfertility.com. There are forums for people who are TTC, and continuing boards for the "success" stories & the struggles they continue to deal with afterwards.

    I will definitely be praying for you both. Maybe the answer is as simple as progesterone therapies that could be affordable even outside insurance. If you do have trouble affording the meds, and your insurance won't cover them, contact the medicine companies directly to see if there is a patient help program available. I also know several people that got their medicines through Walmart or Walgreens mail-order program and paid a LOT less out of pocket going that route. Some of the medicines are covered under the $4 generic if you can get your Dr to prescribe it that way.

  3. My mom suffered several miscarriages before I was born. She's a strong woman, but it still haunts her. Three years after her first miscarriage, I was born. I was born two and a half months early and only weighed 2 pounds. Recently, my mom went to the doctor for a check-up. Her doctor told her that if they had the technology then that we do now, he would have told her she could never have children. She has a deviated uterus, among other issues. But God had other plans! You will see your sweet babies again some day!

    I am so sorry for your loss. Just know that God has plans for you...plans to give you the future you hope for. God hears you when you cry, when you ask "Why," when you're angry, when you're speechless. I will be praying for you and your husband. Just know that you're being lifted up by friends and readers and supported by a God who cares for you.

  4. I am so incredibly sorry you are in this struggle. I'm wrestling with most of the question you asked. This journey can be so hard and painful, but I know God is using us for His glory. Praying for you!

  5. I'm so sorry for your loss. I saw your most recent post and will be praying for you. I also had two losses with bad betas so I can empathize completely. I knew going in it would be difficult because of several genetic blood clotting disorders in my family. If possible I would see if the doctor could test you for MTHFR and any of the Factor blood clotting disorders. Through my research I have found this leads to many miscarriages because of the inability to process folic acid. I am taking very high does of folic acid with b6 and b12 as well as baby asprin and prescription blood thinners, it has proven to be sucessful in helping us maintain a healthy pregnancy.
    I pray that God sends you down the baby he has planned for you soon.


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