Sugar and Cream

While shopping at Crate and Barrel the other day, I noticed this set for sugar and cream.

Really cute right?

I love anything white and ceramic.

The price tag was $16.95 for the set. Not bad, but not great.

I don't even drink hot coffee....

So I walked away.

So today at Michaels, I bumped into these twins.

See the resemblence?

Wanna know their price?

$.50 each.

Yup.

$1 for the set.

They came home with me.

And we lived happily ever after.

: )

Pinterested?

If you haven't heard...Pinterest is the new thing!

I had heard all about it, but wasn't sure what all the fuss was about.

I went to the website and saw a bunch of pretty pictures, but didn't "get it".

I get it now.

Pinterest is basically a website to help you organize all your inspirational pictures you find on the interwebz and share them with people who want to "follow you".

You can login in via Facebook and you will automatically see people's "pinboards" that you are friends with on Facebook.

It is seriously addicting!

I love perusing the internet for pretty pictures and to give me ideas for my home. And now it's the perfect place to contain all those pictures and recipes!

Check it out for yourself....it's a great time waster!

If you're interested in following my pinboards....CLICK HERE!

I have pinboards for fashion, recipes, entertaining, organization and home decorating for each area of my home.

If you have a pinterest....share it with me! I'd love to follow you!

Happy Searching!

P.S. Only 2.5 days of school until SUMMER!!!

An answer

I had my CD3 baseline sonogram today with the RE to go ahead and begin a medicated TTC cycle.

Everything looked fine and I will begin the Femara tomorrow.

But on my way out, I thought I'd ask the nurse if she knew my endometrial biopsy results.

I told her I hadn't heard anything, so I assumed no news was good news.

She told me to head into the Dr.'s office and he would discuss it with me.

He pulled out my chart and evidently I have a luteal phase defect. We did the endometrial biopsy on CD 21, but the lining only dated at CD 16.

This, he said *could* be the reason behind my miscarriages.

He said the way to "fix" this problem is the plan he already had in place. Femara and Prometrium.

Evidently, some women produce lower quality follicles, which result in lower quality eggs. These eggs rarely are able to be fertilized, and if they do, they usually do not sustain. These lower quality follicles cause the body to not produce enough progesterone to sustain a pregnancy.

So.... the Femara (which I begin tomorrow) should produce better quality follicles and eggs and the Prometrium should beef up my lining enough to support a healthy pregnancy!

As weird as it is, this made me SO happy!!!!

I have been in a pretty major funk since the testing ended. I was relieved it was over, but was very disappointed to not have any answers and feared that we would just have loss after loss.

Now, I'm feeling *much* more hopeful!

God is good!!!

So, if you are the praying type, please be praying for us this cycle that things will go well and if the Lord wills it, will result in a healthy pregnancy and take-home baby!

On a related note, we are now currently battling Blue Cross/Blue Shield as they are flagging all of my miscarriage/hormone treatment as Infertility and refusing to cover it. We are appealing this, but the bills are coming in and they are NOT cheap! It's a bit overwhelming, but we'd appreciate prayers on this as well, that God will provide and sustain us through this financial hurdle, however it may be resolved.

Thank you all so much for your support through our journey. It truly has helped lift my spirit day after day!

The Plan, Stan

*sigh*

The testing is over!

Immediatly following the biopsy last Wednesday, the RE pulled us into his office and went ahead and formed a plan based on all the testing so far for the next 2 cycles.

So far, all tests have come back normal.

I'm not sure whether to be thankful, or not.

I'm glad everything is fine, but I wish we could've found a problem and insure we fix it for next time.

But he said that with this plan, it'll make everything from "good" to "great".

So, for the next 2 cycles we will:

CD 3 Baseline scan

Make sure everything is looking good internally to medically ovulate

CD 3-7 5 mg Femara

This will cause me to ovulate and make a better quality egg. The risk of multiples is around 10%, which is much lower than Clomid, the most popular ovulation medication. Femara is becoming more popular as it usually only produces 1 very healthy follicle, versus multiple follicles and helps build up your lining vs. Clomid that tends to thin it out

CD 10- 20 Digital Ovulation Predictor Kits

(Clear Blue Easy Digital- with the smiley faces!)

CD 12 Mid-cycle scan

This will show that I am in fact producing a healthy follicle

7 days after ovulation, begin 200 mg Prometrium

For 10 days, if pregnant, keep on until 11 weeks pregnant, if negative, discontinue use. (Prometrium is progesterone which will build up the lining and increase the chance of good implantation)

Whew.

I thought after testing I'd feel light as a feather. But now that we are looking to be "trying" again, I'm terrified. I'm worried about not "doing enough". I'm worried that we will somehow still lose another baby.

For some reason, I had it in my mind that if I went through all the testing, I'd somehow be guaranteed my healthy baby, but I'm suddenly realizing there is no such promise.

The RE said if we aren't pregnant in 2 cycles or have another miscarriage, we will do laproscopy surgery to look for endometriosis. I truly do not have believe I have that as I've had 0 symptoms.

The RE also said he didn't want to persue Baby Aspirin or extra Folic Acid at this time. If needed, down the road we can look into this but he is confident with this plan.

Please just pray for us if you will.

One, for peace and comfort during this next chapter. That we can fully trust God and his good plan despite the outcome. But we truly pray for our take-home-baby this time!

I just keep studying Phill. 4, specifically verse 6.

I'm striving to not be anxious and give all my concerns to Him.

He is above statistics. He is above modern medicine.

He is in control.

Second, for financial assistance. We were told that insurance should cover the testing, as it was diagnostic. However, we got our first insurance statement and somehow it was labeled as "infertility" which would mean totally out-of-pocket. So last month could cost thousands of dollars. Plus this next month or 2 would be even more. I left a message at the RE's office asking if it can be re-coded and haven't heard back yet. I'm prepped to fight either the billing dept or insurance, but just pray that the Lord will provide in whatever way necessary.

I never thought this road to motherhood would be so bumpy, but I just care about arriving at the destination. : )

INSANE past 24 hours...

Here's the recap.

Yesterday I was scheduled for my endometrial biopsy at 3.

I was very nervous about this procedure, since when you google about it, it is always described as "horrific torture".

So, I went in to work for a half day and was a nervous wreck.

I left at noon and went home to take my Valium at one. Doc said to take it 2 hours in advance.

I get home, let the doggies out, take my Valium and lay down as it made me sleepy.

I wake up and then go outside to water the flowers and notice I didn't see the dogs on the deck.

I then look over and see the gate we rarely use wide open.

So here I am, Valiumed up, in panic mode.

Weird feeling.

I just start running around the neighborhood, thinking of their usual spots.

Mr. Free gets home and we frantically look, but know we have the appointment in 20 minutes.

We had to go.

I'm a sobbing mess.

I'm imagining the worst scenarios with my dogs and know I'm about to be tortured in my most sensitive areas.

Thank the Lord for the Valium because I can't IMAGE how I'd be without that!

The procedure takes like 5 minutes.

It hurts.

Worse than the HSG.

My cervix wasn't cooperating. Was tight as a drum. Had to dilate and clamp it. Taking the sample HURT. I squeezed Mr. Free's hand, started crying and just prayed for my sweet little doggies.

I start feeling light-headed and nauseated, but luckily that's as far as it went.

I laid on the table for a few minutes to gain composure, but knew that it was precious time in finding my pups.

We had called animal control and rushed home to put of signs and patrol the area looking for them and talking to everyone we saw.

No one saw a thing.

I looked up different articles about finding lost dogs.

We tried every database, craigslist, facebook, etc.

I also read that the chance of finding a lost dog is 16%.

And we had 2.

I was devastated.

I cried and sobbed thinking we lost them forever.

I slept in the guest room, which is closest to the backyard with the window open praying Id hear their barks.

Nope.

I woke up this morning a sobbing mess again, a nervous wreck then got sick because I was so worked up.

And then I was supposed to go teach children.

Joy.

BUT people suggested calling the local vet. On our way to work Mr. Free called the biggest vet in the city and they said someone came in last night saying they found 2 basset hounds.

IT WAS THEM!!!

They dropped them by this afternoon and we are SO thankful to have them home!!!

We went out and got a lock for our gate and got them new shiny collars.

Our testing is now over and we have a plan.

I'll update on that next post.

But life is looking up!

I'm ready to relax!

Re-Organized Living Room

Yay! A post not related to fertility!

Thank you for bearing with me Readers.

As you can imagine, I haven't quite been myself over the last 7 months and with each loss "regular life" got harder and harder.

As Mr. Free can attest, for quite awhile our home was no where ready for company and our menu was "survival basic".

I'm slowly trying to return to normal as I'm feeling a bit more optimistic about the future.

And with that...this weekend I actually felt like cleaning and organizing!

Plus took some pictures of our living room for you all, which I hadn't yet done!

First of all, our living room is tiny.

There is no entry, you just walk straight into it.

And this is our only living space.

So it houses our TV, DVD player, computer, Xbox, PS3.

The works.

So, to help it be organized and clutter-free is tough!

This is our "faux entry".

We hung a chalkboard/dry erase board to leave notes, as well as a coat hook for our guests.

Last year we installed this new front door.

The old one was just a wood slab, and this one with the little window cutout provides so much more light!

When furnishing our house, we loved this coffee table.

We knew we wanted glass, so it'd make the room feel bigger.

BUT we didn't think about low-riding basset hounds walking underneath smearing their oily coats on it.

It never looks clean.

On top of the coffee table is my yummy almond scented candle (those are hard to find!), a tray with current magazines and a box with remotes and coasters.

Next to our hand-me-down loveseat is this little tulip side table I snatched at Target a few years ago on clearance with a candle.

I love the striped entry mat. Another Target purchase!

The entertainment center was Mr. Free's from his bachelor days.

I like it in the fact that it provides a lot of storage and even a faux mantle for the holidays.

Above we have one of our favorite wedding pictures.

On the faux mantle is some of the milk glass I've collected.

The shelves contain our entertainment necessities, but I've worked hard to make it look as nice and clutter-free as possible.

The baskets hold games, DVDs and computer equipment.

The vintage books hold the output box and my DIY tart burner.

So there you have it!

Not perfect. Not designer.

But it works for us!

CD 12: Mid Cycle Scan

First of all, I just want to say how humbled I am in the way the Lord is working in my life.

God has brought so many wonderful women into my life through this trial I am enduring.

Many women are broken and experiencing miscarriages or infertility.

Some women have healthy children but have been an incredible encouragement to me, though they cannot even relate to this situation.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, prayers, emails and messages.

I have shed many tears just over how encouraged and loved I feel by the sisters around me.

I have strived to be very transparent through out everything, because I know that hearts aren't connected through false perfection. Through trials and reality can connections be made. I pray that God will continue to use me as a woman that others feel they can come too if they face anything similar to what I have experienced.

On to today:

The Mid Cycle Scan showed everything being normal.

I am gearing up to ovulate with ol' lefty and my endometrial layer looked great.

He said my ovulation looked "good" but once I'm cleared he will make it look "great".

I keep interpreting that to mean we will possibly have a medically induced ovulation?

I'm not sure.

We will discuss it after all the tests are run.

The next/final test is the oh-so-dreaded endometrial biopsy.

I spoke to the nurse about it and she said she doesn't like those.

I asked her that with Valium if it'll be better.

She stopped in her tracks.

"The doctor prescribed you Valium?"

I told her, yes he did.

She asked "Really?"

"Yes....."

"He NEVER prescribes Valium for anyone. You must really be special."

Try frantic lunatic, but whatever works!

She said with the Valium itll be a breeze! She said that at the moment of taking out the endometrial layer it creates severe cramping, but it literally lasts a few seconds and between the Valium and ibuprofen Ill do just fine.

Phew!

I've never taken Valium before.... Ive heard it makes you "drunk" feeling?

Like you just don't care?

Anybody have any experience they want to share?

3 down....1 left!

CD 7: HSG done!!!!

It feels SO good to write that the HSG is done!

You wouldn't believe how nervous I was!

Or maybe you would....

This procedure had been on my mind non-stop since Sunday.

I've cried more tears than I could count anticipating it.

Last night I didn't sleep at all. Just watched the clock.

By about 5 a.m. I was up and getting sick because my stomach was so nervous.

I arrived to the imaging center in tears and the nurse was so good in talking me through it.

She said never ever google about procedures.

You will only hear the horror stores.

Lesson learned.

Then Dr. Z came in and said I just had to trust him and it really wouldn't be as bad as I had anticipated.

The nurse talked me through the procedure.

First the speculum, cold and pressure.

Then clean the cervix, cold and wet.

Then the cervical clamp (This is the part where women said they got sick, passed out, that it hurt like complete torture.) Me? I didn't feel a thing! Honest! I had to ask if they'd even done it!

Thank you Dr. Z and ibuprofen!

Then the dye was injected via catheter into my cervix. At first I didn't feel anything but after about a minute it felt like strong menstrual cramps. At that time the radiologist began the X-Rays and I said out loud "Ouch! This hurts!" Then he said those magical words, "I'm done!"

Very quickly Dr. Z took out the clamp and catheter and all was right with the world.

He showed me the X-Rays and all is good!

Apparently I have an ever-so-slightly tilted uterus, but no blockages or scarring whatsoever!

I was terrified that the D & C left some scarring...but I am clear!

Did you know your tubes are so twisty? Its weird!

So then I was able to change and go on my merry way!

Dr. Z was right.

He was so gentle and quick.

I asked him about the endometrial biopsy.

He said the pain is very similar but even quicker.

Between the ibuprofen and the valium I know it ll be OK.

So...2 tests down, 2 to go!

Thank you so much for all your prayers! I truly feel the Lord leading me through this entire process!

CD 2: Test 1 done!

So yesterday was the dreaded Cycle Day One.

I nearly cried, because I knew this meant the month from you-know-where.

So I set up all my appointments and today went in for my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork.

The ultrasound showed two healthy ovaries, with no cysts present.

And it appears that ol' lefty will be ovulating this next cycle.

It was weird to see.

And I knew you'd totally want to know all of this. : )

Then the Dr. asked me to come back to his office and he fumbled through his desk, found the vial and the needle and did my blood work right there.

Kinda weird.

But it was all sealed and sterile.

But weird.

So then I went to Target and got a smoothie and enjoyed my morning before I had to go into work.

My next test is the HSG next Wednesday.

I'm pretty nervous as I've heard various reports on the pain level for this test, but the good thing is that is a pretty quick test.

Please pray that for me it will be pain-free!

I'm taking the whole day off for that one, and the appointment is at 7:30 in the morning, so hopefully I'll be able to take it easy the rest of the day!

Sorry for boring you with all the details, but this is my life right now!

Have a great weekend!

The Plan

Well, Mr. Free and I met with our new RE (reproductive endocrinologist) 2 weeks ago, and then I went in for a quick exam last week.

In going over our history and my current medical concerns, the Dr. was very optimistic that at the end of this road we will be holding a healthy baby! As much as I want to believe this, and know that I should be thinking positively, I'm still very skeptical. My heart has just been shatterd this past year, and I'm terrified of getting my hopes up again. For now, I'm just taking life one day at a time.

Anyways, here is the plan for this next cycle:

CD 3: Blood work to check for many factors that could contribute to early miscarriage (blood glucose, thyroid, antibodies, clotting disorders, etc.)

Baseline ultrasound

CD 7: HSG at the hospital: this looks for structural problems in the uterus such a scarring (I'm pretty nervous about this...)

CD 14: Sonogram

CED 26: Endometrial biopsy: This checks the endometrial lining for a luteral phase defect (Not going to lie...I've been terrified of this! I have negotiated and gotten valium out of the deal! Hoping to get some for the HSG too!)

Then after this, the Dr. will look over all results and see if we can come up with a cause for my losses.

If so, we will obviously fix it.

If there isn't a cause, we will proceed trying to conceive as usual for 2 cycles, using OPKs and if no pregnancy or another miscarriage occurs, then we will do laprascopy so he can see inside my uterus to make sure I do not have endometriosis.

Whew.

It's terrifying.

But I'm glad I have support.

And I'm very thankful to have an optimistic doctor.

And an optimistic husband.

Mr. Free and I appreciate all the prayers for us and our journey.

We are praying hard for answers and a healthy baby soon!

P.S. If any of you have experienced any of this testing, for any reason, please let me know how it was! The "unknown" can be so frightening!