CD 12: Mid Cycle Scan

First of all, I just want to say how humbled I am in the way the Lord is working in my life.

God has brought so many wonderful women into my life through this trial I am enduring.

Many women are broken and experiencing miscarriages or infertility.

Some women have healthy children but have been an incredible encouragement to me, though they cannot even relate to this situation.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, prayers, emails and messages.

I have shed many tears just over how encouraged and loved I feel by the sisters around me.

I have strived to be very transparent through out everything, because I know that hearts aren't connected through false perfection. Through trials and reality can connections be made. I pray that God will continue to use me as a woman that others feel they can come too if they face anything similar to what I have experienced.

On to today:

The Mid Cycle Scan showed everything being normal.

I am gearing up to ovulate with ol' lefty and my endometrial layer looked great.

He said my ovulation looked "good" but once I'm cleared he will make it look "great".

I keep interpreting that to mean we will possibly have a medically induced ovulation?

I'm not sure.

We will discuss it after all the tests are run.

The next/final test is the oh-so-dreaded endometrial biopsy.

I spoke to the nurse about it and she said she doesn't like those.

I asked her that with Valium if it'll be better.

She stopped in her tracks.

"The doctor prescribed you Valium?"

I told her, yes he did.

She asked "Really?"

"Yes....."

"He NEVER prescribes Valium for anyone. You must really be special."

Try frantic lunatic, but whatever works!

She said with the Valium itll be a breeze! She said that at the moment of taking out the endometrial layer it creates severe cramping, but it literally lasts a few seconds and between the Valium and ibuprofen Ill do just fine.

Phew!

I've never taken Valium before.... Ive heard it makes you "drunk" feeling?

Like you just don't care?

Anybody have any experience they want to share?

3 down....1 left!

CD 7: HSG done!!!!

It feels SO good to write that the HSG is done!

You wouldn't believe how nervous I was!

Or maybe you would....

This procedure had been on my mind non-stop since Sunday.

I've cried more tears than I could count anticipating it.

Last night I didn't sleep at all. Just watched the clock.

By about 5 a.m. I was up and getting sick because my stomach was so nervous.

I arrived to the imaging center in tears and the nurse was so good in talking me through it.

She said never ever google about procedures.

You will only hear the horror stores.

Lesson learned.

Then Dr. Z came in and said I just had to trust him and it really wouldn't be as bad as I had anticipated.

The nurse talked me through the procedure.

First the speculum, cold and pressure.

Then clean the cervix, cold and wet.

Then the cervical clamp (This is the part where women said they got sick, passed out, that it hurt like complete torture.) Me? I didn't feel a thing! Honest! I had to ask if they'd even done it!

Thank you Dr. Z and ibuprofen!

Then the dye was injected via catheter into my cervix. At first I didn't feel anything but after about a minute it felt like strong menstrual cramps. At that time the radiologist began the X-Rays and I said out loud "Ouch! This hurts!" Then he said those magical words, "I'm done!"

Very quickly Dr. Z took out the clamp and catheter and all was right with the world.

He showed me the X-Rays and all is good!

Apparently I have an ever-so-slightly tilted uterus, but no blockages or scarring whatsoever!

I was terrified that the D & C left some scarring...but I am clear!

Did you know your tubes are so twisty? Its weird!

So then I was able to change and go on my merry way!

Dr. Z was right.

He was so gentle and quick.

I asked him about the endometrial biopsy.

He said the pain is very similar but even quicker.

Between the ibuprofen and the valium I know it ll be OK.

So...2 tests down, 2 to go!

Thank you so much for all your prayers! I truly feel the Lord leading me through this entire process!

CD 2: Test 1 done!

So yesterday was the dreaded Cycle Day One.

I nearly cried, because I knew this meant the month from you-know-where.

So I set up all my appointments and today went in for my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork.

The ultrasound showed two healthy ovaries, with no cysts present.

And it appears that ol' lefty will be ovulating this next cycle.

It was weird to see.

And I knew you'd totally want to know all of this. : )

Then the Dr. asked me to come back to his office and he fumbled through his desk, found the vial and the needle and did my blood work right there.

Kinda weird.

But it was all sealed and sterile.

But weird.

So then I went to Target and got a smoothie and enjoyed my morning before I had to go into work.

My next test is the HSG next Wednesday.

I'm pretty nervous as I've heard various reports on the pain level for this test, but the good thing is that is a pretty quick test.

Please pray that for me it will be pain-free!

I'm taking the whole day off for that one, and the appointment is at 7:30 in the morning, so hopefully I'll be able to take it easy the rest of the day!

Sorry for boring you with all the details, but this is my life right now!

Have a great weekend!

The Plan

Well, Mr. Free and I met with our new RE (reproductive endocrinologist) 2 weeks ago, and then I went in for a quick exam last week.

In going over our history and my current medical concerns, the Dr. was very optimistic that at the end of this road we will be holding a healthy baby! As much as I want to believe this, and know that I should be thinking positively, I'm still very skeptical. My heart has just been shatterd this past year, and I'm terrified of getting my hopes up again. For now, I'm just taking life one day at a time.

Anyways, here is the plan for this next cycle:

CD 3: Blood work to check for many factors that could contribute to early miscarriage (blood glucose, thyroid, antibodies, clotting disorders, etc.)

Baseline ultrasound

CD 7: HSG at the hospital: this looks for structural problems in the uterus such a scarring (I'm pretty nervous about this...)

CD 14: Sonogram

CED 26: Endometrial biopsy: This checks the endometrial lining for a luteral phase defect (Not going to lie...I've been terrified of this! I have negotiated and gotten valium out of the deal! Hoping to get some for the HSG too!)

Then after this, the Dr. will look over all results and see if we can come up with a cause for my losses.

If so, we will obviously fix it.

If there isn't a cause, we will proceed trying to conceive as usual for 2 cycles, using OPKs and if no pregnancy or another miscarriage occurs, then we will do laprascopy so he can see inside my uterus to make sure I do not have endometriosis.

Whew.

It's terrifying.

But I'm glad I have support.

And I'm very thankful to have an optimistic doctor.

And an optimistic husband.

Mr. Free and I appreciate all the prayers for us and our journey.

We are praying hard for answers and a healthy baby soon!

P.S. If any of you have experienced any of this testing, for any reason, please let me know how it was! The "unknown" can be so frightening!

Sleepin' in the dark

In marriage, you learn a lot about your spouse.

This past year, I've learned my husband loves our room to be pitch-black to sleep.

How did I learn this?

I came home one day to see our thrown blankets acting as draperies in our bedroom.

As functional as they were, I knew I needed something a little more...pretty.

Voila.

These were $12.99/ panel at Target. Pretty reasonable for lined drapes.

They aren't perfect "black out shades" as they do let in a bit of light, however, at night time our room is pitch black. You cant see a darn thing.

I can sleep anytime, anywhere.

A completely darkened room is not necessary.

But Mr. Free needs it black.

What about you?

Do you have blackout shades in your bedroom?

Or can you sleep in full light?